While listening to an alternative music playlist on facebook (I've no idea what's so alternative about it to be honest) and sipping (i.e. gulping) on my Martini Asti, I would like to talk about two things today: friends and how they can affect you and careers.
Starting off with friends I suppose (gulp of Martini), this half a year has not been the best for me at all. I think I had to find out about myself that I have higher than average tendency to feel validated by other people acknowledging me and such. Now, as much as I would like to say that I do not care what people think about me and how they behave towards me, and as much as I can logically comprehend that one needs to understand that what you think is a normal human behaviour might not be the same for the other person in question, I do care and I do expect people to be fair with me on my rules.
I believe I am not wrong if I say that I have something in me that pulls people away from me. I am not trying to say it in a melodramatic horrible weeping way (you know what example of a friend who does that I would give here if I was a beach about it), but merely as state of fact. However, through a period of time of over-analysing the phenomenon I have come to terms with it and decided to take whatever I can from it. Learn and grow and all that bullshit. Namely, use my 'unapproachability' to create a persona of amazing success and value and using it in my career. I can see how I can benefit.
Yet it still hurts when I see people pulling away from me for no apparent reason. Of someone said to me: I don't like you, I don't want to be your friend anymore - fair enough, god bless you and you can go your own way. But if you don't have that closure and a person just stops talking to you and doesn't even notice a dramatic message + deleting him from my friends, it's hard to stop feeling confused and caring. I suppose there is nothing I can do about it.
Or is there?
I watched a video on how to tackle problems (sounds horrible, but how often do I find I need to be reminded of the simplest things in life!) and I think I should go and face the problem directly. Pop over to his workplace when I'm around and ask what's going on. I will let you know how it goes, however I need you to know for now that I am for the first time in a situation where I was counting on my friend being there for me, in a new place, with a new life and a hard time of losing a job and they weren't there. Let alone not being there, they didn't even care! It hurts. Hurts like fuck.
Secondly, on the topic of careers, the only thing I have to say on that is that I think that rich people should be taxed more depending on their income. Bear with me on that point, it is relevant. If that happened, then the people who now just want to get rich and work their asses off would reconsider their position, bearing in mind they will have to give their money away. In this situation, only the people who enjoy the work and the challenge without the greed to leave beyond their means (of course assuming they would have the money for living) would work their asses off. Subsequently, the government would see that there is no point in preventing people to work their asses off by making it impossible to do both university and something else (say, hairdressing apprenticeship on the tip of my tongue). And in this perfect world I would be able to do what I want to do. Instead, I get loads of 'the fees will be £4,000' on the phone and implications that I am too old and too far away. Fuck that. I'm pissed off. Now that I have finally managed to pull myself together and start anew, I'm met with yet more obstacles.
On a brighter note, I have managed to run for 16 minutes today without dying. Points for me.
We'll see how it goes.
